Denis Smallwood
Bundjalung man
Corporal
1st and 6th Battalions, Royal Australian Regiment
Royal Australian Infantry Corps
Australian Army

 

Medals
Australian Active Service Medal with clasps East Timor and Iraq 2003
Iraq Medal
Australian Service Medal with clasp East Timor
Australian Defence Medal
United Nations Medal East Timor UNTAET
Medalha Solidariedade de Timor-Leste (Timor-Leste Solidarity Medal)

 

Firstly, I pay respect to our traditional Elders and ancestors and especially pay respect to fellow countrymen and countrywomen past and present who have served this great country. I was born in Sydney to a proud father from Burdekin, who was a Bundjalung man, and a loving non-aboriginal mother from La Perouse.  When I was one year old, they took me and my three brothers to live and be raised on the lovely River Tweed, Tweed Heads on Bundjalung country. My dad passed away when I was 13, so I left school in the first term of year 12 to find employment so I could help support my mum and brothers.  Over the following years, I had a few different jobs, but nothing set in concrete. I wanted a more secure job and decided to enlist in the Australian Army in March 1998. On completion of basic training at Kapooka, I continued my training as a Rifleman in the Infantry Corps after completing Initial Employment Training. It was a real culture shock and an eye-opener for me, but this young black fulla was ready to be a warrior. But learning to sweat hard in training meant to bleed easy in battle. My first posting was 1RAR Townsville on my Pop’s country, where I did my first deployment to East Timor. After 5 years there, I was then posted to 6 RAR Brisbane, where I did my 2nd and 3rd trips to East Timor and 2 deployments to Iraq. Both theatres were totally different missions. Timor involved lower-level operations, lots of patrolling in the humid jungle, humping up and down hills, along with hearts and mind green role tasks. Iraq in early 2004 and 2008 was a more intense, highly dangerous operation, and combating IEDs (improvised explosive devices) was a different war game as we had to learn and adapt daily.

To me, the toughest battle began once I was discharged after 12 years of service; I had a young family, 5 deadly hunters (boys), and my ROCL (relief out of country leave) babies. So I took off my green hat to be more of a father and spend time with family. I found it hard to transition back to normal civilian life. I had a heavy addiction, which had an effect on myself and my family. I self-sabotaged myself to escape reality and block out issues I had. I was grieving hard, grieving the loss of my role as a soldier, command and control, and most of all, the comradery (loss of mates). I was in denial. My Aboriginal uncles and forefathers, who served in WW2, Korea and Vietnam, took me aside to identify my self-destruction ways, and they pointed me in the direction of seeking mental health help. I found that I had the trifecta of guilt, shame and remorse, but I had to break that stigma. I spent a lot of time in clinics rewiring my unhelpful thinking styles, demilitarising and neurologically rebuilding my cognitive behaviour. At first, I hated it, but now accept it to adopt new coping strategies as I proceed to the next chapter in my life.  I’ve been sober for five years and proud of myself. I did the work myself to help my family, the broader community and most of all, my people. I wanted to express more about post-army life and share with my people that with time, patience, love and listening to our Elders, things can change. Enjoy life, don’t be shame. We have strong spirits, but sometimes we disconnect. If you really want to, you will reconnect.  I would like to finish with I’m proud to serve my country. It taught me a lot. I salute all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders, past and present, who have donned the uniform and served. As Indigenous soldiers, we all make a difference. It is an honour to have served.